The newspaper that is not to be believed
Accented dreams
Not content with discovering that dogs have regional accents, Professor B Onkas from the University of Reading, UK, has released a paper proclaiming that we also dream in our own accent.
After 3 years of study and a Government grant of £1.5M, Prof Onkas has shocked the psychological establishment with his results. This has angered many tax-payers, to the point where the University Department for Sleep Science has been blockaded by 124 sleepers, each in a sleeping bag.
The establishment have criticised the findings, by retorting that dreams are a form of experience and not conversation. Also, how can any amount of sensors or computational ability derived results that say that their dreams are experienced in an accent.
The Professor has defended his research, by stating 'that the better we know ourselves, the better we can treat sleep deprivation'. During these 3 years, 36 volunteers were given a room for the night, a cup of cocoa and a thriller novel to read before sleep. This apparently puts the subject in a state of likely vivid dreams. The connected sensors then record much of what is happening inside their heads. The Professor and his team would then wake the subjects abruptly at a random point in the night and all would exclaim in their own regional accent. As a dream state overlaps with conciousness when abruptly woken, the Professor believes that any voice heard inside a dream must therefore be in that subject's dialect.Professor B Onkas is now turning his attention to whether or not sleepwalkers navigate by the moon.
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